“If your path is through the guru,
So begins today’s daily wisdom quote from the venerable Ram Dass. Now, I’m not on the guru path per se. But when I have an experience that is vivid or troubling or moving, I try to see how it alters the story so far, adds meaning and shifts my life picture. Through meditation events shift me, offer me new places to stand, sometimes altering the whole story.
Often the most powerful are the ones which at first bring me frustration, embarassment, unsettledness. The shifting point often comes when I remember to look for the winking eye behind the story. If I were an author and I put a character in this position, what joke would I be playing on my character? What joke is being played on me? And what is the nugget of truth at the center of the indignity that has me so off center?
So the gossip around work after my recent resignation from management has been a real guru for me. I knew it would come. I even knew the hottest story lines. Gossip is predictable. What is not are the little stories people tell themselves. We reveal our vulnerabilities in how we weave our stories together. And the little stories I found me telling myself were horrifying! Destabilizing, undermining. That’s the truth about gossip, it doesn’t hurt from the outside, we hurt from the inside out.
And so I am back to my breath. I knew these moments, these stories would come. I knew that as surely as I knew my decision was right. Before all the reasons, the stories, in the moment, in my gut. The truth is I never knew why I took the job: I just knew it was my next step and that meaning would come. It did, and I served a purpose, one in which I believe. The purpose is gone and there will be more opportunity for what I truly value and for new lessons by stepping back into the ranks and giving up the promotion. In the moment of decision there are no stories. There is truth and sensing. In meditation there are no stories, no words. Moments – a moment, really – and witnessing. It’s a lucky person who has opportunity to act on what is revealed there. I’m very lucky to be right where I am, to give up what I give up and to receive what I receive. Very Blessed. So are you.
What do you let go? What do you receive? Before words, after stories, in silence, underneath choice. If you let go, what do you have? Try it. Find out. Bless it with your tears.